(As I’ve been told, it’s so much easier to follow me talking through my notes…so go listen.)
Happy new year to be, friends.
Two parts to this final note of 2022:
First, some real talk on getting your act together and the resulting journey.
I’d guess this will really relate to a fraction of you. If there’s even one person, this worked.
Another fraction may think I’m arrogant, to which I’d say, try to consider it as self-therapy…or just skip it. All good.
A large majority of you will hopefully enjoy the walk down memory lane and find the crisis of confidence endearing.
Second, and much lighter, our favs of the year. Yahoo!
Phew…a lot has happened this year.
A favorite pastime of New Years is to summarize the year in a word (h/t to MD). Give it a try tonight before you close the door on 2022. This year, mine is commitment.
Give your loved ones a hug.
From a new side of the country,
Bren
A common theme has captured me these days. That of seasons.
Seasons carry a theme that rules the time. They take on that theme either in real-time, or, most commonly, in hindsight.
I think sports and weather are the easiest ways to think about seasons. In sports, a season provides a snapshot amidst the constraint of time. At the end, we crown a winner and celebrate. Then we rest and ready ourselves for next season. Weather-wise, we feel the overarching theme of chilly, rainy, sunny, but no hard lines are drawn. Occasionally we’re treated to a warm, sunny surprise in mid-December, and it’s a damn delight.
Most notably, seasons change.
Seven weeks into the pandemic, I wrote a previously unshared note to my pals that established the format this newsletter would become — a mix of self-reflections, distaste with my boredom, and fun things I was doing to fill the time.
Reading it again this week, it was most clearly a call to arms to myself. I was unhappy with the stagnation and lack of trying hard things I had done in my life. Almost as if I was forecasting life as an old man, ruing a missed past.
Amazing. Thank you young Bren.
Before we get too far into this, allow me to say, read the wrong way, this sounds dangerously like arrogance. Of course that’s not the intention. As you’ve seen my work, you know there’s strong self-deprecation dripping through. I have a permanently long way to go.
I considered not sharing it, but that would leave me in a prior state (see below). Self-instigation worked for me. The uniqueness of early pandemic time, with no sport or going-out options, forced me to respond to the loud shouts of self-frustration. I don’t know that I’d have made those changes without force. Perhaps hearing the ‘how to do the work’ will trigger a thought for yourself. That’s the aim.
In hindsight, that was the Season Zero of my writing — Disdain. That was fundamental — groundwork to the change I wanted in my life.
Which is so clear. We don’t begin writing as a joyous, happy person. We begin when we need to work something out in our heads. Something that’s eating at our core, written to challenge ourselves out of the stasis. Gosh, did I need that.
I don’t think I shared that work because I was embarrassed. Not with the writing, but myself. I had ambitions of what I wanted to do — what I thought I should be able to do — and I flat-out was not living them.
So, I went into a shell and did the fucking work1, and something happened. I should have expected it, but it came as a surprise.
Not only was I able to do what I thought I should be able to do, I felt fine talking about it. The feelings of being a fraud (which I even voiced at one point) kind of dissipated. I felt…comfortable.
From there, the work steamrolled + combined to become something different altogether. I went from a talker-about-things to a doer-of-things.2
Part of this probably sounds like therapy. It is! My internal form of it, anyway. The work followed the identity change in my own head. I’d come to some satisfaction with the person I was/becoming, and my own internal labeling changed.
And that’s some real talk.
Then, this newsletter began.
Season One was Work. My form of art exhibits.
I started sharing work, which was a base leap I’m proud of. This is still work-in-progress, but at least you can actually see the output in the form of an accessible artifact. A monthly note in the form of a newsletter has been a great forcing function.
Season One showed off work on screenshots, experiments in gift giving, designing our physical and digital environments, research around scaling knowledge synthesis, forging design patterns, and designing recommender systems, specifically in album form. The common thread was enablement — how to make more of your current situation. I’ve found a great pull to this type of work.
Many of them I look back on and think, “Ah, that’s a nice try.” Sometimes even, “ew” or “dafuq?”
But all of it was important. It always is. It’s progress, even when it looks off.
Season Two was Feelings. I figured this out in hindsight. There was even a subtle change in name styling, from ‘Newsletter #’ to ‘No.’ that I only realized upon writing this.
It started with me riffing on distraction and why I couldn’t do the same work. Sharing with the world has a cost — your attention.
It continued with vacation, a calm before the change-your-life storm, and then…boom. I got married, joined a startup, launched a product, and moved across the country. Blow it all up, but keep quality at the forefront.
And the season closes here, with a recap of the year + a brief note on how seasons change.
Seasons have to change. I’ve spoken on this before, but stasis is naturally impossible. Change is our only constant. This year clearly encapsulates that for me, but I’m sure you can see the same in your own lives. My closest friends’ children certainly mirror that change back to them.
This is moderately terrifying considering where I now live. There’s more season change each day than there is during the months of the year, and winter has always been the time of head down, hone in. Chicago made that clear. The DePaul ads on the L train boards say it so well, “Here, we do.”3 I'll miss that. Even with the kinder Bay Area climate, I can’t ignore the fact that I have to do the work.
And now, I can do. Not only is my head clearing about the recent past, but my feet are on the ground in a new place. We’ve finished hiring our team at Heyday, and now we focus on making magic. I’ve been slowly finding my people here, as well. New place, know few. So, y’know, have fun, be you.
It also means the last eight notes of occasional illegibility are soon to change tune. Often it felt as if I were writing a stream of consciousness, a real-time riff. I was thinking out loud, trying to articulate what was occupying my brain, where I was, and how I was enjoying and coping with the change. I’ve been writing at the edge of my own understanding, so I imagine you’ve probably said a few times, “What are you talking about, dude?”
The change there is real, and the change has been real fun.
What comes after the change is what we get to see now. What that will be is up for grabs.
I’ll be back with Season Three sometime in 2023.
Before I go, here are some favorites of 2022.
Last year’s version was craftfully thought through. This year will be direct. New things only.
Albums
Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers - Kendrick did it. The introspective’s dream + a proper closing to his recording career. This is also a personal testament to not reading music criticism before forming your own opinions. I listened to this album so many times on the roof, eyes closed, in it.
Ants From Up There - Black Country, New Road. Beyond the first minute, I absolutely adore this record.
Few Good Things - Saba. Imminently listenable, in-flow hip hop. Hard to pick a single track.
Pompeii - Cate Le Bon. Production keeps getting tighter, and we get to reap the rewards.
(watch my moves) - Kurt Vile. A jam, slightly slow out of the gate, but this will set the stage.
Florist - Florist. This is floral music, and I am a florist.
Tracks
Of the Kendrick record, United in Grief sets the stage. Father Time is ace. Count Me Out broke me down. I played Auntie Diaries for my Mom.
Buffalo Stance - Robyn, Neneh Cherry, Mapei
Moderation - Cate Le Bon
No One Dies From Love - Tove Lo
Western Wind - Carly Rae Jepsen
DELIRIO DE GRANDEZA - ROSALIA
blessings - Yaya Bey
Hideous - Oliver Sim
ChevyS10 - Sudan Archives
Snow Globes - Black Country, New Road
Tastes Just Like It Costs - MJ Lenderman
Hoodie - Ari Lennox
Rose Rouge - Jorja Smith, Joy Orbison
90 Proof - Smino, J. Cole
Shirt - SZA
(run through a brick wall edition) Impulse Control - Special Interest
All Thanks - Danny Arakaki
Lost Honor - Surf Curse
Okay - Autre Ne Veut
Shows
Khruangbin at The Riv. A must to see them.
Nation of Language at the 312 Block Party.
Day
Impossible not to say September 10, but the surrounding days were also perfect. The day-prior excursion to Wrigley and evening at Rustica fulfilled me. The day-after torrential downpour was chef’s kiss. The day-of…yeah. That was a thing.
And the subsequent playlist that captures the feeling (and keeps getting added to!).
Moments
Directly tied to ^
Looking at Donna, looking out at the folks, and the warmth that filled me. Good love.
The picnic. The Kite String party. The subsequent celebration, 6 weeks later, at my folks’. Infinite thanks.
Chicago edition
The all-encompassing cry on the roof, at half of the Bears game in a sun-drenched Chicago, realizing I was actively choosing to leave the home I loved.
Bay Area edition
Walking down Market with Donna, early evening, following a boombox-wearing gent blasting "Don't You Want Me"…like I was in a film.
Driving through the Mission with Josh, post-Heyday visit, feeling in my stomach for the first time that I was about to move here.
Hiking Mt. Tam on Christmas Day.
Match
The final Spurs match of 2022 - qualifying for the Champions League, Sonny's Golden Boot. Joy.
runner-up - the simulation-that-was, 2022 WC final. Messi forever.
Project
The notebook wedding gift. A true labor of love (+ I still need to put it online!)
Makeshift Creation
The goal we built in Donna’s backyard. I spent several hours outside on Thanksgiving finishing crosses on this. I can play again. What a feeling…
Thing I tried getting good at
Making pizza, hands down. On #6 now!
Thing I wish I spent more time on
Designing and fabricating a Blackwing pencil attachment recorder.
Thing I wrote
Patterns, Patterns Everywhere - This felt like it encapsulated a ton of what I’d been working towards.
Book
Seveneves, I think. I was hooked.
Series I finished
The Expanse. I’m so glad I read books 7-9. After watching the exceptional show, it was amazing to read in the characters’ voices. Closure.
Place
Lesson
Last year, I wrapped by saying this:
I close the year with one final lesson — the clarity that I need to build with others, in-person. It’s truly fitting that the last decade has resurfaced the obvious pull I have for it.
Hell yes. Mission accomplished. You’re best when you set the stage to bring others up. Keep on.
To 2023 + beyond.
Footnotes Exist!
90 straight days of writing code and a commitment to shipping monthly.
From Bren the Big Talker to Bren the Builder (ha!). I’m practicing…
Their basketball team definitely does not do, but I will miss sitting courtside for $10.
Seasons – No.16